I’ll post more recent ones if this gets a good reaction. This is one of the first I wrote.

I’m 42 weeks pregnant and about to give birth. There’s a huge snowstorm outside; there’s no way an ambulance will be able to get to me, let alone family or friends. I’m terrified; the doctors estimated this baby to be 10lbs, and even though I was planning a vaginal delivery, I was planning it in hospital… surrounded by doctors and nurses, with all of the pain relief I could wish for. As another contraction rips through my stomach, it’s a harsh reminder that I really am about to do this all alone. I know I only have so much time to move around and gather what I need, so before the next contraction comes, I grab as much as I can – waterproof pads, scissors and shoelaces to cut the cord, lots of clean towels and blankets and the bathroom scales to weigh the baby. I then have to decide which room to give birth it, because once I’m settled, there’s no way I’ll be moving again! Part of me wants to stay in the bathroom to minimise the mess, but instinct is telling me that I’ll be more comfortable in my bedroom, so that’s where I settle. After the next wave of contractions pass, I try to make a plan. I’m going to let my body do as much of the work as possible, but with a 10lb baby to get out, I know I’m going to be doing a LOT of pushing, so I get as many ‘pushing areas’ set up for different pushing positions as I can. I lower the chair and pull it away from the desk, so I can use it to sit on, to lean against, to squat against… I move the foot stool out into the space by the cupboard as a makeshift birth stool, I put an old cushion on the floor by the window to catch any mess if I want to push holding onto the window sill and I cover my bed in waterproof pads. By the time I’m done, the next wave of contractions washes over me, and I collapse onto my bed, already exhausted.

After 8 hours of labouring on my bed, drifting in and out of sleep, I can feel the head pressing down on my cervix, making me want to push. I resist the urge though, panting quickly through it instead. I know I’ll need to push soon, but I want to conserve as much energy as possible. With each contraction, the head presses down more and more and after another hour, it’s impossible to resist any longer. Still semi laying on the bed, I open my legs wide and bear down right into my bum. I feel the head move down ever so slightly. It hurts so bad, but at the same time, it’s so satisfying, the pressure almost orgasmic. With the contraction over, I decide to move so that gravity can help bring the head down. I get off my bed and stand by my chair. With my arms resting on the back of it, I rest my head on my arms and let part my legs. I give another big push down, my knees naturally bending with each one. I don’t try to fight it though, and I continue to give big, hard pushes. I feel the head slip from the confines of my cervix and settle in the birth canal, inching down with each push and slipping back up as I stop pushing. It’s beginning to get hard now; the head stretching my birth canal feels like I’ve got a full-sized bowling ball wedged up there, and for the first time, I begin to doubt my ability of getting it out. I just don’t understand how something that size is going to stretch me wide enough to come out. My thoughts are interrupted by another contraction though, and I find myself bearing down again, my eyes screwed shut, my fingers tightly gripping onto the back of the chair. My legs are shaking with the effort, and as I finish that push, I let out a loud moan. I put my hand down there, but of course, there’s nothing to feel yet – the head is still way up inside me. I try to catch my breath, but the rest is short-lived, and I soon find myself straining with all my might again. After another 5 minutes of pushing, I feel like I need to change positions. I feel like I’m not open wide enough, and any progress being made is just being undone every time I straighten my knees, so I decide to use the foot stool for a while. I stand with my back toward it, then gripping it with my hands, I lower myself into a sitting squat, allowing my hands to take most of my weight. I can feel my pelvis open up more in this position, and with the next contraction, I push right down into my bum. This time, I can feel the head moving down as soon as I begin pushing, slowly forcing it’s way through my sore birth canal. Pushing in this position is great for moving it down, but my arms tire quickly, and by the next wave of contractions, I can’t hold this position any longer. I decide to go back to my standing squat, but this time using the foot stool. I stand up and face it, rest my knees against each of the wooden legs, naturally forming a squatting positon, then I lean forward and hold onto the foot stool with my hands to support myself. I work through the next few contractions, bearing down into my bum with each one. In this position, I fall into a natural rhythm of a deep breath in, a really big strain and a long moan at the end of the push. This goes on for the next 10 minutes, but by now, every muscle in my body is aching. I stand up and put one foot up on the foot stool, and gently insert 2 fingers inside me. I can feel the head with the tips of my fingers, it slowly pressing down on them as my body involuntarily pushes. I remove my fingers and move over to the window. With both the window sill and the window frame to hold onto, I can really begin to let rip. With my hands holding on tightly to the window frame, I squat down with my legs open wide and push and grunt and pant and scream for all I’m worth. There’s no orgasmic feeling any more – just intense pain. By now, I sound like a wild animal; grunting loudly as I push, roaring at the end of each one. I don’t care though – pure, primal instinct has taken over. I continue to bear down harder and harder, my entire body trembling with the effort. On the 10th push, a huge bulge appears, the head slowly stretching my vagina and parting my lips. The burning, oh, the burning. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt, and I let out a deep howl as I stop pushing. My throbbing red lips slowly come back together as the head retreats back inside, but the bulge is still there. It really is the size of a small bowling ball, my hand not able to fully cup it. With my legs barely able to hold me up, I slowly make my way over to the bed, knowing that that’s where I’ll be delivering my baby. With the pillows propped up behind me, I’m able to relax before the next contraction comes. When it does, I pull my legs back with my hands, put my chin to my chest and push hard. Harder than ever before. My lips quickly part again as an inch of the head becomes visible. The burning is so bad now and I’m howling as I push, but I don’t let it go. I push 3 times with that same contraction, the head gradually moving down with each one. It once again goes back when I stop pushing, but I know that I’m making progress. There’s a natural lull in the contractions, so I make the most of it and let my legs relax, resting my head back on the pillows. A few minutes later, the contractions come back stronger than ever. I just want this over with, so I block out the pain and just push and strain as much as I possibly can. I feel myself opening up more and more, the burning sensation now turning to fire. I let out an almighty screech as I’m stretched open more and more. The head isn’t fully crowned yet, but my perineum is already stretched paper thin, bulging out as the head pushes down. I have no idea how this head is going to come out, I just know it has to. The contractions come back. I’m scared for the pain that’s about to come, but I make myself bear down hard again. The head slowly inches down, a millimetre at a time. The pain is unimaginable; the burning now an intense firey, searing pain. Unable to contain the screams, I throw my head back and let out a long, loud roar as the head finally crowns. Looking down, I have no idea how I’m going to get it out; the crown alone is the size of a large grapefruit. I know that if I force it out now I’m going to tear badly, so I begin to give little shoves. The head moves slightly, my perineum stretches even more… the pain is worse than I ever could have imagined, every fibre of my body just wants to push with everything I’ve got and get it over, but I know I have to do this properly… so I continue with my gentle pushes, panting and yelping every time the head moves. I push like this for another 5 minutes, until eventually I let out a loud scream as the head stretches me to my limits and comes out as far as the forehead. I can’t hold back anymore. I just can’t. I don’t even wait for a contraction, I just take a huge gulp of air and bear down with every fibre of my body, roaring at the top of my lungs as the head finally squeezes out the rest of the way. I look down at the head between my legs. It’s the size of an average watermelon. I’m in shock at having just pushed that out of me, but I know there’s more to come. There’s another pain inside me as the baby rotates, and I know it’s time to get the shoulders out. I screw my eyes shut and give a massive push, screaming as the shoulders force my vagina open even more. I’m so sore now, that every slight movement feels like someone is holding a red hot poker against my perineum. I bear down again, even harder than before and the shoulders finally begin to move. I push and strain and pant and scream, trembling with the effort, until the shoulders are finally free. I thought the body would just slide right out once the shoulders came out, but it’s clear that I’m going to have to push it out all of the way. Another big strain gets the chest out, and with one last push and an almighty scream from me, the body and legs finally slip out of me and my baby boy is suddenly between my legs.

After I’ve caught my breath, I cut the cord and weigh the baby on the scales. 13Lbs 2oz. I’m in shock! I have no idea how I managed to push it out of me! All in all, I was pushing for 3 hours.